It’s happened to the best of us. We meet someone amazing, establish a connection, and exchange messages and calls. Then all of a sudden, there’s nothing. The messages stop. It’s as if they have dropped off the face of the earth. You’ve been ghosted.
As much as the icy silence hurts, we must move on. So, how do you respond to being ghosted?
The best response to being ghosted is to not respond at all. Despite a strong temptation to retaliate, there are good reasons why no response is the best response when it comes to ghosting. Keeping your dignity, maintaining your self-worth, and accepting what you can’t change offer greater benefit than the momentary satisfaction of a witty retort.
Understanding why ghosting hurts so much is the first step in moving past the experience and getting yourself back on track again.
What is Ghosting?
Urbandictionary.com defines ghosting as;
“When a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they’re dating, with zero warning or notice before hand. You’ll mostly see them avoiding friend’s phone calls, social media, and avoiding them in public.”Urban Dictionary
The term “ghosting” began in the early 2000s when social media made its way into the dating scene. People were able to simultaneously communicate with more potential mates than ever before and could use technology to “disappear” and end relationships with minimal effort on their part.
Who Gets Ghosted the Most?
According to Livescience.com, anyone can be ghosted and those that ghost others are uncomfortable with emotional closeness.
It makes sense that the bulk of people (regardless of gender) who have experienced ghosting are of dating age, mid-twenties to mid-thirties. This age group is active on social media, making them prime targets for potential ghosters.
Why Does Ghosting Hurt So Much?
It’s all ego. Your pride has been hurt. If you are at all insecure about yourself and your appeal to others, you will probably blame yourself and start obsessing over what YOU did to make them ghost you.
No one likes to be rejected, especially after a connection is established and you start to have expectations about how the relationship should be and where it should go in the future.
We have a tendency to evaluate our worth based on the opinion of others. When someone who thought cared about you all of a sudden disappears from your life, you may view yourself as unworthy or flawed.
Why is No Response the Best Response?
Before getting into why it’s best to ignore your ghoster, there is one caveat that I should mention.
If the person who is ghosting you is someone you have known for a long time (like a close family member) and ignoring you is really out of the norm for them, you should make every effort to contact them. Once you know that they’re safe, you can move on from there.
Okay, onto why no response is the best response when you are being ghosted.
Reaching out to someone who is ignoring you, whether it be in anger or sadness, is giving away your power.
Tips on How to Resist the Urge to Text
Undoubtedly, you will feel tempted to reach out to the ghoster. Here are some tips to help you resist temptation.
1. Do Something Else.
Every time you think about sending that witty retort, pick something else to do instead. Some form of exercise is a good choice. Try doing 30 squats or push-ups. Guaranteed you won’t feel like texting them after you release your angst with a round of exercise.
You could also try something completely new that you haven’t done before. Pick up an adult coloring book from the store or perhaps pick up some painting supplies from the dollar store.
Any activity that requires exertion of physical or mental energy will help you resist the urge to contact your ghoster.
2. Practice Affirmations that Confirm Your Self-Worth.
Your time is a gift and is valuable. We are all unique and worthy individuals and deserve to be treated as such. It is critical we recognize our self-worth and respect ourselves.
If you have trouble seeing how valuable you and your time are, perhaps you need to build your sense of self-worth.
Chances are you subconsciously believe you are not worthy of the best. This is why you are so bothered by being ghosted.
If this is the case, then affirmations are for you.
Practicing affirmations can program your subconscious to believe that you are an individual worthy of the best. Once you believe in your worthiness, you won’t give that ghost a second thought. They are now a waste of your time.
It’s critical that you understand that their poor behavior is a reflection of them, not of you.
If you are new to affirmations and don’t know where to start, you can always try a guided affirmation like the one found at the link below.
3. Accept That They Have the Right to Reject You.
We can’t control other people. As much as we’d like to, we just can’t. The only thing we can control is our reaction to what happens to us.
Bad things happen to good people and nowhere is it written that we should never experience pain and rejection in our lives.
Accepting the behavior of someone who ghosts you does not mean that you are condoning what they have done. However, we are all sovereign beings and are free to make our choices, good or bad.
Signs That You Are About to be Ghosted.
There is no guaranteed way to avoid pain in relationships.
When it comes to being ghosted, the best you can do to avoid the situation is look for warning signs ahead of time.
You probably have an intuitive feeling around any changes in their behavior but you may be ignoring it. If your gut tells you that something is wrong or off, then it probably is!
Trust your instincts and remember your self-worth. If they are doing any of the following things to you, maybe it’s time for you to call things off before they try to leave you stranded.
Here are five early signs that you are about to be ghosted.
- They have unfollowed you on social media apps.
- Their texts have become very late, brief and un-friendly.
- They give no indication that they wish to get together in the future. They are always busy.
- When you are together, they are absent minded and uninterested.
- You get the feeling that they are annoyed by you.
For some additional details on early signs that you are about to be ghosted, check out the video below.
Even if you are unable to read the early signs that you may be ghosted and end up getting cold silence instead of what once was a fiery exchange, just remember you can rise above and not play the game.
Hanging on to your power and remembering your self-worth are the best and fastest ways to forget about someone that doesn’t deserve you and move on to someone that does.